Goodie Grab Bag # 1

(title/series stolen from Pixelation)

Seth: Look! It's our best friend, Gideon!
Random friend: You brought a Bible to school?
Seth: Yeah. Now, if I'm having trouble on a worksheet in class, I can take it out and pretend to be consulting it for an answer.
Friend: ...
Seth: It's biblical, bitches.


Don't take drugs to enjoy life. Take drugs to enhance life.


Got steam?


Life: You never know which end it comes out.


Person A: Have you ever wondered who came up with the hard-boiled egg?
Person B: Uh…
Person A: Who said, "I think I will take this encrusted embryo and stick it in hot water for an extended period of time, then peel off the shell and devour the insides"?
Person B: ...the French?

Person A: We should combine Chanukah, Groundhog Day and Easter. You spin the dreidl, and if it lands on "Nun," Jesus has to stay dead for 6 more weeks.
Person B: …And then we light fireworks and sing the National Anthem!
Person A: No. That's just stupid.
Person B: [hangs head in shame]





^{all credit for the "Don't take drugs..." line goes to Aeger}